Once in a Blue Moon
Most days when I look at Lucas I know there are certain notes home from school and choice photos that I am going to see some day. I watch him chug a juice box and smash the container in 30 seconds flat – and well I’ve keyed enough beers myself to know how that turns out. I watch him try to strip down in the public fountain and well can’t say I didn’t try that one either (though after hours mind you). I listen to him tell, what might be convincing stories to another mother, and remember how I managed to get out of three months of PhysEd in 3rd grade with a one day excuse note. And I listen to him debate, rather successfully for a four year old, why the sky is not actually blue and I blame that on Eric’s half of the genes.
However, I had always hoped to hold off on the notes home from school until at least kindergarten.
Luckily, Lucas is still at that age where he rats himself out – especially to a well-seasoned knave such as myself.
“Remy got in trouble at school today.”
“Oh really? What did Remy get in trouble for?”
“He showed me his butt like ten times. It was SO many.”
“I see. And why did Remy show you his hiney ten times? Did you show him your hiney?”
“No, I didn’t show my hiney at all.”
“I see. So how was the rest of your day? How was water play?”
“Oh we didn’t have water play today.”
“Why not?” (insert narrowed gaze and honed mom emphasis here)
“I don’t know. Maybe they didn’t feel like it.”
With 2 + 2 equaling 5, I asked Eric to ask school the next day. Indeed, it turns out there had been a full out mooning war complete with sprints down the hall and attempts to maximize the number of moon victims.
And thus I can cross one note off my list of disciplinary notes I will eventually receive.
However, my “to do” list has a few more items:
- Buy awesome teacher gifts
- Befriend the local police
- Find a doctor willing to implant a tracking chip
- Enroll in the CIA – focus on lie detection technologies and techniques
- Buy stock in preferred vineyards
